The thought of reading our old writing strikes fear into our hearts. Opening up that old document and seeing all the clichés, terrible descriptions, and too-perfect characters? Absolutely not! Why would we do that?
Well, I did it. It was painful, but I did it.
From October 2019 to August 2020, I planned, wrote, and edited a 28k medieval fantasy novel titled The Guiding Star. This was my first ever non-fanfiction novel that I’d finished and taken the time to edit! If you’re curious, here’s the synopsis I’d written for it (I didn’t read the synopsis before reading the book):
The only person that’s keeping Princess Star of Modnyk from running away and living the life she wants for herself is her older sister, Emerald. Life in the castle just doesn’t suit Star – she craves adventure instead of being cooped up around the castle and in the village, and she wishes she was able to do every task herself. She only refuses to leave her sister, who is always there for her. When their lives are turned around, they promise to help each other in everything they do and guide each other on the correct path.
But then Em disappears without warning. Stricken, Star remembers the promise she made and strives to do anything she can to keep it. Ignoring her mother’s order to stay, she packs a bag and leaves the castle, determined to find Em at all costs and fulfill her promise. While reluctantly working with a boy she met at the market, she discovers how valuable a person can really be. And sword fights, deaths, and funerals only add to the mess she gets herself into.
I read this novel over several days and was genuinely surprised at what I could see after one and a half years of not even thinking of this novel. It was like I was an entirely new reader (almost)!
And through my experience of reading this novel, I was able to distinguish several key aspects I think I could improve on – and these things can benefit everyone else as well! These struggles definitely fit in with many amateur novels, so that’s why I want to share them with you today. I’ll be using The Guiding Star as an example, just so you can see how these examples can play out.
The five main things I spotted and learned from The Guiding Star are as follows: flat word uses, confusing reactions, not enough description, unrealistic injuries, and characters + character voice!
(If you just want to skip to a specific part, just click one of the headings in this list here:)
Word Uses: “-ing” Verbs
This is a very broad term, but for the sake of this post I’ll define it as this: “the words we use to tell our story.” Also known as prose.
The reason I put this in its own separate category is because it mixes all the different elements of the other categories. Some of these issues were related to description, others related to reactions, etc. But they all stemmed from the exact same thing – my choice of words for the situation.
Namely, in The Guiding Star, I noticed that I had so many -ing verbs. Now, these words are great on a small scale because they can show simultaneous actions and prevent sentences from getting too choppy. However, I overused this in The Guiding Star.
For example, take this little section from Chapter 2:
I dashed into Em’s room, putting a hand on the wall next to the door. “Do you have any tunics and pants? And a cap?”
Em’s eyebrows raised. “What are you planning to do, Star?” She stood next to her neatly made bed, holding a folded blanket. Like always, the room was spotless, the stone floor almost showing our reflections.
“Nothing,” I replied. “I just was wondering if you have any.”
“Well, I think I have something,” Em replied, going over to her closet.
There’s an -ing verb in almost every sentence. However, if I were to edit this, there are several ways we can fix this!
Take the first sentence, where Star dashes into Em’s room and puts a hand on the wall next to the door. Because an -ing verb is used, that implies that Star dashes into Em’s room while putting a hand on the wall next to the door. That doesn’t make sense, right? To fix this, I can just replace “putting” with “and put.” This makes more sense for the order of events.
The sentence about Em holding a folded blanket is fine on its own. So is the sentence about the stone floor almost showing their reflections. However, simply because the sentences appear one after the other, I’d replace “holding” by rewording the entire sentence. I could say something like “A folded blanket sat in her arms,” or “She held a folded blanket and stood next to her neatly made bed.” Now the sentence about the stone floor stands out more, because the -ing words are used more sparingly.
Finally, the last sentence includes a dialogue tag: “Em replied.” First of all, that dialogue tag can be completely cut, because Em does an action right after the dialogue (going to her closet). Second of all, we can replace that -ing verb with a much stronger word to emphasize description! How does Em go to her closet? Does she saunter? Trudge? If she was happy, then she might bounce on over to her closet. This would leave us with this sentence:
“Well, I think I have something.” Em bounced over to her closet.
That’s already so much stronger than its predecessor! This is why word choice, repetition, and dialogue tags are some very important keys to consider while editing. A tip I have for this is to read your work aloud. If you do this, you can catch (1) run-on sentences or any other flow errors, (2) typos, because you’re actively reading each word, and (3) any words that repeat over and over again, because you’re hearing the words as you say them.
Word choice is important! It affects so much of your novel.
Reactions
Reactions are such an important fundamental aspect of writing, and yet they are somehow very difficult. What’s a realistic reaction? How do people react? There are several questions we can ask on this topic, but for this post I want to focus on one – “What is the order of events for a reaction?” Aka, timing.
I’ve seen this in several beginner novels, including my own. This was especially the case in The Guiding Star. It would be described that Star gasped, then it would be written what she was gasping at – rather than the other way around, which is the correct way.
To put it simply, this is the general order a reaction should proceed in:
(1) The event, thought, or piece of dialogue that causes the reaction
(2) Bodily reactions such as gasping/eyes widening/stepping back
(3) Dialogue reactions such as shouting a person’s name (Screaming would not count as dialogue in this case, it’s more of a bodily reaction)
(4) Thoughts concerning the event
Now, if your character is particularly slow to speak, maybe their thoughts would come before their dialogue. #3 and #4 on the list can be switched around depending on the character and the event.
Taking another snippet from The Guiding Star, here’s an example of a badly written reaction:
“I could probably change her mind.” I said.
“You would actually do that?”
“Sure,” I replied, blinking rapidly when a jolt hit me. It feels like… I actually think of Will as a friend now. He’s helpful and supportive, and having him on the journey… it actually doesn’t seem like a burden now. Plus, it’s kind of nice to have someone to talk to.
In this case, the event is Star saying “Sure,” followed by a bodily reaction of an internal jolt. Her next bodily reaction is to blink rapidly. In this case, there aren’t any dialogue reactions – her thoughts come first. (They’re very tell-y, but I digress. That’s not what we’re focusing on here.)
However, the order in which I wrote them is incorrect. In reading order, this is what happened: (1) event, (2) bodily reaction #2, (3) bodily reaction #1, (4) thoughts.
In this case, I should have described the jolt before Star’s reaction of blinking rapidly. It even says so in the sentence: “blinking rapidly when a jolt hit me.”
It’s a pretty simple fix, especially when you know the order of events of a reaction! Keep that in mind when you’re writing and revising, it’s a really helpful tool to remember how reactions proceed. I know that it definitely would have been helpful when I was editing The Guiding Star.
Descriptions
Description. The bane of every writer’s existence. (Well, most writers.)
How are we even supposed to describe our scenes? Give the reader the big picture? Add in sensory details so that they really feel like they’re there?
Well, in truth, it’s a bit of both.
While reading The Guiding Star, I noticed that I had a lot of big-picture details. I described the forest that surrounded Star and Will. I described Star’s bedroom. I described the field Star and Em rode horses in.
But did I describe the crunching of twigs under their feet? The sweat beading on their brow as heat seared through their arms? The gusts of wind that tear through their hair and untie any attempts at a hairdo?
Nope. At least, not enough.
Sensory details are what really bring the readers into the scene. Yes, it’s important to get an idea of the surroundings we’re in. But that can be summed up in just a couple sentences. You can bring more life to your setting through the five senses. What are they seeing? Do they hear birds? Is that smoke they can smell? Are they feeling the pointy rocks under their feet? Their mouth feels really dry, maybe they should drink some water.
I’m going to be brief on this subject because this could very easily be covered in another post, but here are my main points:
Don’t spend as much time on the big-picture details, but still describe them.
Lots of sensory details! Just make sure to only do ones that the POV character would feel, and don’t overstimulate your reader by adding too much description at once. Use the five senses!
Describe emotions, as well. How is the POV character feeling? Don’t just say “I felt terrified.” Are they shaking? Is there a pit in their stomach? Googling body language cues for different emotions can help – I’ve been able to find a master list of gestures and body language, as well as some cheat sheets for turning emotions into written body language. (disclaimer: not sponsored)
Bottom line: use a lot of description. If you’re worried that you’re over-describing, then you can always cut it down later in revisions.
Injury Realism
Injuries! We don’t ever need to know about those, right?
Since I wrote The Guiding Star, I’ve done research on injuries, daggers, guns, and the like. I’ve also gotten my lifeguard certification, which can help. And from the little bit of knowledge I have, I definitely know that the injuries in The Guiding Star were either unrealistic or forgotten.
When you give a character an injury, you need to consider the implications on the plot, as well as how it will affect the character and everyone around them. These things need to be planned. And if an injury just happens when you’re writing, you should be prepared to think of how this will affect your story.
It’s also key to continually remind the reader of the injury. Depending on where the injury is, it can limit their movement or vision. And depending on how severe the injury is, the POV character will likely be suffering from some pain for a little while.
For example, in The Guiding Star, Star climbs a tree and then falls. This ends up in her spraining her arm. She gets a sling (which is good! That’s how you’re supposed to treat a sprained arm), her arm hurts for a little while, but then the pain seems to disappear. I read the part where she sprained her arm, then I actually forgot that the injury had happened for several pages. And I’m the one who wrote this novel! This is why you need to keep reminding the reader of the injury using methods I mentioned before – how it affects the character’s ability to do anything (walk, breathe, climb, or even something that they need to do to reach the story goal), and how it will affect the other characters. Pain is also a good reminder, if you give the reader the source of the pain (eg, “My arm throbbed”).
As well as this, it’s important to know where exactly the injury is. Why? There are a few major arteries in the body – the femoral arteries are in the thighs, and then the brachial arteries are in the biceps. If these get severed in some way, whether that be by an arrow, sword, or knife, then the person could bleed out and die within minutes.
For another example, my villain Evan gets shot in the thigh with an arrow:
Evan’s hands were flat on the ground and he leaned backward, glancing at the dagger in front of him. His sword lay a few feet behind. An arrow was stuck in his left thigh, and blood gushed out of it, turning his brown pants a shade of crimson.
Some expert swordsman he is. I frowned.
My immediate thought to reading this was that the arrow could have pierced his femoral artery. It’s possible that it could have avoided the artery, but if it did strike that artery, Evan would not be talking as much as he does in the next few paragraphs. He would be struggling to speak, his skin would be paling, and eventually he would faint. If Star and the others just left him like that, Gail wouldn’t have needed to unrealistically decapitate him with her dagger! (How do you even decapitate someone with a dagger? It’s not possible. But, by the way, if you have a sword then it’s actually not that hard to decapitate someone if you swing hard enough. I researched this after reading that scene.)
There are so many other injury details I could go into, but I’m not going to for this post. Maybe I will in another post. But for now, I’m just going to say: research your injuries! Decide the area of injury, decide what weapon or item is being used to strike the injury, then research possible injuries that could happen from that item. The Internet is an amazing resource. And if you have any friends or family who happen to have experienced the injury you want to include in your story, ask them about it! Personal experience is the best experience.
Characters/Character Voice
My favourite part! Characters are one of the main reasons I love to write.
In this case, I’ll focus on my main character, Star, and her character voice. I’ll also mention the other characters in brief detail.
In The Guiding Star, Star’s personality was shown very well. She’s independent and stubborn, but protective of the people she cares about and even a smidge introverted. She also adapts very well to change, as shown when she makes a plan to disguise herself and go to market day (so that she wouldn’t be recognized as a princess).
However, I didn’t find that her personality was reflected very well in her character voice. When Star spoke, she was sharp and almost choppy. Her character voice and internal narration, however, seemed more flowy and long-winded. The occasional sarcastic thought from her made me snort, but other than that her personality didn’t show as well in her character voice. I did get to write her in a novel I first wrote in January 2021, and I made her voice staccato and choppy. That did a much better job of showing her personality, and it helped the reader distinguish her character.
In terms of the other characters, I enjoyed them. I was reminded that Will (the main ally) was very similar to me in personality, and so that ended up in me getting attached to him. Star’s maid, Miri, reminded me a lot of my character Myll (similar names? Quiet demeanors? Probably), but that’s probably because I’ve spent more time around Myll and she’s a lot more developed than Miri.
So, overall, I think that the characters were well done in this novel – the differences between Star and Will were definitely shown, which I appreciated – but the character voice could have done a better job at reflecting the character’s personality.
Conclusion
Wow! That was a lot! We looked at the five main parts I learned from The Guiding Star – word choice, reactions, descriptions, injuries, and characters. I understand that there is a lot of information, and maybe you wanted to dive a little deeper on a certain subject. If that’s the case, then let me know! I’m always open for post requests.
On a final note, I want to just summarize for those of you who skimmed through the article and have no idea what’s important or not:
Word choice is very important, whether that’s through your verbs or your dialogue tags. A good tip for improving this is to read your work aloud! Then you’ll be able to catch those tiny errors such as typos. Also, use your -ing verbs sparingly.
Remember the order of a reaction and write it accordingly: (1) The event/thought/etc that caused the reaction, (2) bodily reactions such as gasping, screaming or stepping back, (3) dialogue reactions such as shouting a person’s name, and (4) thoughts concerning the event.
Only spend a couple sentences describing big-picture details. Focus more on the sensory details that the POV character is feeling and use the five senses.
Plan out your injuries and research them! Figure out what is causing the injury, where the injury is happening, and take some time to find out the details of the injury and how it will affect your story. The more conflict with the story goal, the better!
Make sure your POV character’s voice lines up with their personality. And give them a personality that will distinguish them from the other characters!
Through my reading (and cringing) of The Guiding Star, I’ve learned a lot about my weaknesses, as well as the things I know that I’ve improved on. I hope that these tips I’ve written down are helpful, and I hope that you enjoyed the post!
Alyssa
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